By CLINTON FEIN
August 26, 2025

This is the latest bit of fascist foreplay from the flag-humping, incoherent pedophile blob in the Oval Office. Trump just announced he’s planning to sign an executive order that would impose a one-year jail sentence for burning the American flag. One year in prison for an act of political expression, but if you’re just fucking a flag-draped couch without its consent, you get a free pass. Right, JD? And if you use it to beat the shit out of a law enforcement officer protecting the Capitol, you’ll get a presidential pardon.

No one is even remotely surprised by this authoritarian masturbatory fantasy. This is the same man whose micro mushroom penis gets invisibly aroused at the thought of journalists being jailed and political opponents being prosecuted. The shameless contempt he shows for established law as he burns the Constitution he swore to defend in the process.

Here’s a basic civics lesson for the wannabe dictator and every idiot that supports him: The Supreme Court already settled this shit back in 1989 in Texas v. Johnson. Flag burning, however much it might offend your delicate jingoistic sensibilities, is protected political speech under the First Amendment. This isn’t some obscure legal footnote or controversial 5-4 decision that could reasonably be challenged. It’s settled constitutional law that even conservative justices have upheld.

But Trump doesn’t give a fuck about constitutional law. He never has. What he cares about is performative authoritarianism. Making his base believe he’s the tough guy who’ll punish those disrespectful America-haters. It’s political theater designed to give hard-ons to people who fantasize about jailing their political enemies or separating and deporting three-year-old girls with cancer. Even if they’re American citizens.

Millions of American MAGAts are nodding along, thinking, “Hell yeah, lock those flag-burners up!” The same dimwitted idiots who characterize everything they don’t like or understand as “woke” and actually believe Elon Musk’s deletions and cancellations are free speech rather than lip service.   They’re perfectly willing to sacrifice someone else’s constitutional rights on the altar of their patriotic feelings. They’ve convinced themselves that true patriotism means criminalizing dissent rather than protecting the very freedoms that make America theoretically worth celebrating in the first place.

 Trump knows perfectly well this executive order would be struck down immediately by any court with even a passing familiarity with constitutional law. That’s not the point. The point is to normalize the idea that constitutional protections are optional when they protect speech that offends the powerful. It’s to condition his supporters to accept increasingly authoritarian measures against political opponents. And, of course, a distraction.

In a functioning democracy, the right to express political dissent — especially in ways that make people uncomfortable — is non-negotiable. When you start imprisoning people for symbolic political speech, you’re not a patriot, you’re a fucking traitor. Thousands of American men and women have valiantly fought and died to protect the right to burn the flag. Even draft-dodging hypocrites pretending to have bone spurs or incontinent, cankle-ridden blowhards sweating in their compression socks and wrapping themselves in the flag. Exercise the right. And demand the release of the Trumpstein files while you’re about it.